Life in the Lyme-light

March 7, 2013 — 4 Comments

The following post features my amazing sister-in-law Alyssa and her journey through Lyme Disease. Lupus and Lyme can often be mistaken for one another. Although very different diseases, they can have some similar symptoms. We can understand each other in a way that no one else does. She is new to the blogging world and I know that you will truly enjoy her writing and feel inspired just as I do. Show some love! 

For me, the most shocking part of living with Lyme disease stems from how slowly and yet how quickly the disease progressed. My immune system was never the strongest growing lyme-lightup, and I began having some persistent gastrointestinal digestive issues in 2009.  I also recall some weird times when I had lower abdominal or back pain and had to have my ovaries, bladder and kidneys tested, but results never revealed a cause.  The strange symptoms would resurface and then disappear again.  The most frustrating thing was never finding any answers.  I had my gall bladder removed in 2010, which provided no relief.  I struggled with periods of remission and illness for about four years.  I grew accustomed to the symptoms and just assumed that everyone experienced the weird things that popped up every now and then, and the rest of the persistent digestive issues were simply normal for me.  At times, the illness interfered with my classes or my plans, but I was able to push through.

 

I had become accustomed to my illness, but on the other hand, when the Lyme really progressed it was like a whirlwind.  This past summer I began a quick downhill tumble, picking up more and more unexplainable symptoms and growing weaker and weaker as the months flew by.  It started with fatigue and an intense pain near my left rib cage.  Then I couldn’t stand for more than a few minutes without my legs turning purple with bright red splotches and an itching sensation so strong that I have to sit down and elevate them.  I started wearing sunglasses indoors because the light shining through windows causes a severe headache behind my eyes.  Sometimes I even have to wear them at night when I’m in the car because the headlights of oncoming traffic have the same effect.  My hands and feet randomly go numb, tingle or burn.  I have chronic sore throat and swollen glands, discolored fingers and brain fog.  Some days I have a hard time remembering anything.  I run a constant low-grade fever and experience hot and cold flashes and night sweats.  All the weird symptoms piled up, but the fatigue, joint and muscle pain are worst of all.  My health was spiraling out of control, and I still wasn’t finding any answers.  By the age of 22, I had seen 10 doctors, several unconventional health consultants, had two colonoscopies, two endoscopies, a cystoscopy, a surgery, multiple hospitalizations and countless ultrasounds, CT scans and blood tests.  I tried changing my diet, eliminating stress, taking health supplements and medications to no avail.

 

My mom’s cousin who has Lyme heard about my health from my grandparents and warned them that it sounded like the disease that had torn apart his own life.  I remembered two tiny itchy bug bites with black centers from a fishing trip in June, and that realization pointed us in the right direction.  Lyme disease comes from contact with an infected tick, and it’s likely those bites I remembered could have been from ticks.  I’ve also been bitten by ticks numerous times growing up.  There is no way of knowing exactly when I contracted the disease as it can lay dormant for years until a trigger causes it to suddenly progress.  I began seeing a nurse practitioner in Edmond because there are NO Lyme doctors in the entire state of Oklahoma.  Skeptics in the medical world refuse to acknowledge the existence of chronic Lyme disease because the blood tests for the disease can show false negatives and aren’t the most reliable.  Therefore, the disease is often diagnosed clinically based only on symptoms.  Lyme, like several other autoimmune diseases such as Lupus and Fibromyalgia, disguises itself in a myriad of symptoms that often reflect other illnesses.  It’s easy to misdiagnose invisible illnesses that cannot be confirmed on paper.  Therefore, many traditional physicians say that chronic Lyme disease does not exist.  They claim that Lyme disease is treated with 10 days of antibiotics.  Yet, so many patients deal with two to three years of severe illness and treatment, and then experience relapse years later and have to begin treatment all over again.  Not only do patients fight the disease, they also fight the belligerent medical community that refuses to acknowledge our suffering.  The longer a person with Lyme disease goes untreated, the more severe the disease becomes affecting the brain, heart and other crucial organs.

 

More doctors in northeastern states recognize and treat Lyme, as the disease originated in Lyme, Connecticut.  Here in the central U.S., it’s a different story.  I happened to get online one day and look up “Lyme walk” or “walk for Lyme” because I was inspired by my sister-in-law’s involvement in the local walk for Lupus.  I found one hit for a Lyme walk, and it was held years ago in the northeast.  The awareness in our area barely exists.  I drive six hours every four months to see a specialist in Columbia, MO.  A few friends of mine see specialists in Nevada or Texas because the number of cooperative physicians in this part of the country is limited.  Thousands of people suffer from chronic Lyme disease as I am.  I can’t speak for them, but I can certainly speak for myself and say that this disease is real and must be acknowledged.

 

After two extremely high-dollar Lyme blood tests, and visits to Linda Lea the nurse practitioner in Oklahoma (who paid out of pocket to travel, train under other Lyme physicians and learn more about the disease) and my specialist Dr. Crist in Missouri, I got my positive diagnosis in December.  Now my disease has progressed so that I have been forced to drop out of school, one semester away from graduating, quit my job and most social activities.  I’ve been on a regimen of rotating strong antibiotics since November.  I also follow a gluten-free, sugar-free diet and take a lot of natural supplements to help my body fight.  No treatment works the same for every patient, and therefore I’m trying anything and everything to get over this illness.  My sweet husband and I got married in May, and wow, this is not what I expected for my first year of marriage.  Everyday is a struggle, but I have certainly gained new perspective from my illness and learned that though I have no choice in the matter, right now I am going to live a purposeful life at a snail’s pace.  I have the option to use this time to smell the roses and the blessings God has given me and to realize the beauty in every accomplishment I make – even if my day’s sole accomplishment was getting out of bed, taking a shower, talking to a friend or being pushed through the park in a wheelchair.

 

 

I Am Not Lupus

February 25, 2013 — Leave a comment

In a little over a month it will be a year since I was diagnosed. To receive a diagnosis that changes everything is tough. You never know how you will take that kind of news until you are faced with it. It can be so easy to sink into depression, searching for the answers to questions that run a continual loop in your thoughts… why me? Why am I sick? What will the future hold? It’s also difficult to process because not everyone will understand what you are going through, because you might not look sick. But we can not stay in this place! When we stay there it can be a long and bumpy road ahead. I believe that my God is with me each and every day. He is there on good days and my horribly flared up days. I have no doubt that my going through this diagnosis and now living with Lupus is teaching me things I would not have learned otherwise.

Snow Day

There is so much more to me than just my Lupus.

But, we all have bad days and sometimes we just need a little reminder… some inspiration to keep us going. The truth is I don’t want this blog to be a constant story about the woes of my disease. Sure there will be posts about some rough flare ups, that’s just part of it. The point is I have Lupus but, I am not Lupus. There is so much more to me than that. I am a wife to the most amazing man who I am blessed to say was my high school sweetheart. I am a mom to an adorable little boy. I am a writer. I get so passionate about writing my thoughts, creating make believe in my novel I am writing, and sharing and expressing myself as a writer. I look at my disease as only giving me more perspective, not just my sole purpose of writing. Lupus is something that affects me every day. Even when I am feeling good I still have things that just come with having a disease to deal with that no one else has to worry about. It will always be a part of who I am. But it doesn’t have to be my identity. I don’t have to be strictly Lupus.

After several months of processing through my diagnosis I decided to take this blog in a different direction. I had been writing this blog for a while but felt it was time to for a change. For me Raising Inspiration is about my life, my journey and my disease. I want to spread a little awareness and some inspiration. My hope is that someone who is having a bad flare up will stumble across here and see that tomorrow is a new day. Perhaps a little laughter is what they find and it brightens their day, because sometimes laughter really is the best medicine. I don’t know why I got Lupus, I just did. And that’s okay. It’s part of who I am and now I have more to add to my story.

 

 

 

I used to have such an incredible memory. If you asked me what I wore last week, the meals I ate or what the conversation was about that we had last Tuesday, I could tell you every detail right down to the last vegetable on my plate. You think I am kidding? I had a steel trap for a brain! It was a gift really. I loved being able to be the one to give you the meaningless details of things or answer a question that no one else could remember. Then I heard this crazy story… that when you started having kids you start to get “the mommy brain.” What? I couldn’t help but laugh and think that it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard, mommy brain, that’s hilarious! I went on about my life. A little while later I had my son, still not considering this crazy story as a reality. Well I have a little secret for you… it’s for real! All you moms out there are probably laughing because you were waiting for that confession, if you aren’t laughing it’s because you haven’t experienced it yet!

Here’s the thing, I don’t think that it is a 24-hour kind of deal. It’s more like this…we have so much on our minds as we worry about everyone else in the family that we start to forget where our sunglasses are… and then magically they turn up PB&Jon top of our head. I  look at it as the tiny details are blurred in the picture and eventually they come into focus, but it may take a while. My most recent encounter with this was just the other day. I was having a lovely lunch with my friend from work. This particular day I had packed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and used my sons spider-man sandwich container (that’s right spider-man). We finished our lunch and went on about our day. That is until about 11:00 pm that night when my eyes popped open and I realized that I had thrown away the spider-man container! Agh! Let me tell you I was so frustrated with myself! It took me forever to go back to sleep. The next morning I told my friend what happened and so we went pilfering through the trash can with kitchen tongs (I know it’s kinda gross, but it was a tiny trash can so we had to see if it was there!). And guess what… there it was!

Don’t worry it has been washed…several times!

I honestly have to say that this was something I never expected as a mom. I figured my steel trap would be with me forever. I guess that I was wrong about that, but I am okay with it because the blessing of my son is well worth it! There is something to say about moms, we are constantly serving our families, and sometimes we just don’t think about the small details of a sandwich container. The good thing is we can laugh about these little moments!

How is your mommy brain treating you today?

 

This article I wrote for a guest blog on EpicParent.tv. Head on over and check them out! 

Photo Credit: Shawn Carpenter

Challenges and Rewards

January 29, 2013 — 1 Comment
The following is a guest post by Ashley Furman. She is a fellow blogger, mommy of two and living with Lupus. I am so thrilled that she has written a post for me and I know that you will enjoy her writing as much as I have. Make sure to head on over to her blog and check it out Oh, my aunt has Lupus.

Being a mom is challenging. I don’t think that statement is a surprise to anyone. Being a mom with Lupus certainly adds to that challenge.

guest blogMy husband and I got pregnant with our second child when our daughter was only 10 months old. If you are unaware, 10 months is right on the difficult cusp of toddlerdom. Let me fill you in, in case you haven’t been there before- this is the time when your sweet little happy baby starts turning into this autonomous being, who refuses to eat and sleep, and goes into full blown panic attacks every time you leave their field of vision for more than 3 seconds. I quickly began seeking advice on what life would be like with 2 kids under 2 years old, and something I was told often was essentially “prepare for a crazy hard first year.” Some people were more encouraging than others, but I was left in a constant limbo between excitement for the beautiful chaos that would take place, and “Oh God. What have we done?”

Being pregnant with an infant-eventually-turned-toddler was definitely hard for me, especially during the weeks that I had my head shoved in a toilet 5+ times per day. And I reflect on those days often when I’m having a particularly difficult time mothering my kids during painful Lupus junk. Feeling so sick while pregnant but knowing you are still responsible for the life that you already brought into this world is a lot like the dilemma you face as a mom with a chronic illness. (I guess when you can compare your pregnancy with a chronic disease, it’s safe to say they’ve been rough…) You’re tired, you don’t feel good, you would give your left middle toe to stay in bed just a little longer. But your kid is crying and you remember, much to your disappointment, that stay-at-home-moms don’t get “sick days.” You have to get up, you have to make breakfast, and you have to find a way to get through the next 12-15 hours before they go back to sleep and you can be longingly reunited with Mr. Sandman. That almost sounds dirty, but it isn’t, I swear. The bottom line is, you don’t have a choice. As a parent, your kids await. And whether you’re sick or not, I’m a firm believer that if you’re doing it right, parenting will be hard. It’s supposed to be. Children are a gift from God, and I believe He uses the challenges that parenting brings to refine us and to draw us closer to Him. I now consider living with Lupus similarly. Having a chronic disease is a constant reminder of my weakness, but it’s one that Jesus is ready to answer with His own strength, drawing me closer to Him. And how thankful am I for that, because sometimes it’s near laughable at the circumstances that I’m functioning under.

My husband is a second year Medical Student. When you account for time he spends in class and time studying, it more often than not adds up to approximately 80 hour work weeks. Because I stay at home with our daughter Makaila, who just turned 2, and our 5 month old son, Cohen, I definitely feel the burden when my husband isn’t available to help during any hour of the day. However, by the grace of God we were given a baby who, unlike his sister, is one of the easiest, happiest babies of all time. However, also unlike his sister, he still wakes up every 2 hours throughout the night. So although I am dealing with Lupus fatigue on top of standard motherhood exhaustion, the ear-to-ear grins from my toothless babe at 2 am help to keep me going.

Beyond sleep deprivation, having a baby and a toddler has naturally come with its own challenges. Possibly the biggest of which with Cohen has been that he has a mild form of plagiocephaly, aka “flat head syndrome.” We were told at his 2 month appointment what was going on, and essentially given doctors orders to NEVER put him down, in hopes it would “correct itself.”Luckily I was already prepared to do my fair share of baby-wearing, so I had a great wrap on hand (because how else do you take care of a newborn and a 19 month old?) but in practice, keeping him off his head and in my arms at all times has been downright exhausting. (Side-note: I would like to say right now that if his head does round out over time, I am fully claiming it as a fruit of MY hard labor, and not giving any credit to his greedy skull bones. Correct itself? Give me a break. Mom did that.)

So really, in perspective, the most difficult part of having Lupus for me is simply trying to keep up with life while having Lupus. Does that make sense? I guess what I mean is, Lupus isn’t the hardest part of my life. Life is the hardest part of my life. For example, last Sunday, Cohen screamed and cried all night long. Literally. All night. Since it was so out of character for him, I took him in to see the Pediatrician first thing the next morning. Come to find out, the poor bugger had a double ear infection. Then the very next day we found out that my daughter somehow contracted hand, foot, and mouth disease, and she was struggling to even drink a glass of milk without screaming in pain. Totally heartbreaking. A few days later it became apparent that my husband had managed to catch the virus from my daughter, and then he too was hardly functioning. So, all week long I had an entire family of sickies to take care of, including two extremely needy, demanding, and frequently crying children, all while working through my own joint pain, headaches, body aches, and fatigue. That’s just a recent example of how Lupus made some standard life circumstances that much harder. And while things may be less taxing during a normal week, honestly my normal is always hard.

I’m one of those moms who makes a big effort to keep my kids engaged in things other than the television (or iPad, iPod, computer, whatever…) My baby boy won’t be allowed screen time for at least another year, and my very spirited (and thus very energy consuming) toddler has her’s kept to a minimum. To keep children occupied, happy and safe while simultaneously trying to shape them into responsible, moral, gospel-centered, educated, and kind individuals, is no easy task. There are days when I’m so tired that my oldest will get permission to watch an extra episode of Yo Gabba Gabba (in which I have to extend grace to myself, as to not feel like I’m failing her. Perhaps silly, but true.) But the meat of the day is spent together putting together activities that foster her creativity and development. And although he’s still a little tot, the same goes for my 5 month old. There are definitely times I think of how much easier my life would be if I could stick both kids in front of the television and zone out for an hour or two, but alas, my convictions always come up stronger than my desire for a morning of inactivity. So while I’m fantasizing of going back to sleep, what actually happens is I gulp down some form of caffeinated beverage, take a horse pill of ibuprofen if I’m feeling extra achey, and I try to remember that it’s only going to be on the Lord’s strength that I can get through the day in any type of meaningful way. And then I take it as it comes. And it can be good, and hard, and exhausting, but it’s all beautiful. And I’m thankful.

For me, having 2 kids under 2 has already proved to be challenging, no doubt. As is being the wife of a Med Student, as is living with an illness like Lupus. But what I expect from challenges is that they also offer us the biggest rewards. My family brings me amazing amounts of joy. Every day, every hour. How could they not? I was given 3 incredible people to love. And although there are a lot of trying times within the dynamics of our relationships, I am beyond blessed by all of it. I really believe that God is also going to use the challenges of my Lupus in a similar way. If I am handing it all over to Him- submitting to Him my head, heart, and hands, including this disease in its entirety- He will lighten my burdens and I will be conformed more to the likeness of Christ. It’s not like He’s going to leave me hanging as if I’m less valuable to Him now that I’m sick. On the contrary, I think the Lord actually has big blessings He wants to bestow on me in the midst of my relationship with Lupus, and that ultimately, He will use this disease in my life to bring glory to Himself. And although it can be difficult, in the end that is the biggest reward I could ever hope for.
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I would be just fine if I didn’t eat another sweet potato until Thanksgiving, I’m just saying.

There are only so many ways that you can make a sweet potato… baked, french fries, hash-browns, and that pretty much sums it up. Think about it, what else can you really do with it (besides making it into a pie). Well the past couple weeks I was fasting by only eating seven different foods and sweet potato was one of my items. Everything was going smoothly and I had no complaints until about four days into the fast. Between the items that I had picked for the month I didn’t really have much option of sugars, besides an apple, as well as the drastic decrease of calorie intake I began to have some issues. My blood sugar dropped and I wasn’t eating enough calories in the day to even get me enough energy. So I made the executive decision to swap some items out for bread and strawberries to meet the needs that my body was lacking. But with all the switching of ingredients the sweet potato stayed. Ugh! I have a love/hate relationship with that vegetable! You see I have always enjoyed a good slice of sweet potato pie, or give me a big scoop topped with marshmallows and brown sugar for Thanksgiving! However, when I am eating them every other day without the delicious marshmallows I began to realize that I just do not care for them as much as I had thought.

I would love to say that this month I used each repetitive meal as an opportunity to be more grateful. I’ll be honest with you, that was not the case. I found myself complaining about my meals- the texture, I am so sick of the mushy texture! It would be so nice to eat something that doesn’t need so much effort to make. UGH, I am so SICK of sweet potatoes! I even found myself wanting to end the fast because I “never” learn from food fasts. All I wanted was to prove this thought so that I could eat something for dinner other than the same thing I had eaten for breakfast and lunch. Then it hit me- WOW, I have a terrible attitude! Within one week God brought it to my attention that I needed to work on my attitude, more specifically He told me to be more positive in my current circumstance. I don’t know about you, but when I hear the same thing from God three different times within a matter of five days I assume it safe to believe that this is a lesson God is really wanting me to learn!

Confession: when I learned that God wanted me to be more positive I still had about a week left of the fast. I tried to reason that since I had learned what God was showing me I was now able to end the fast early.

Not my finest hour.

Then I was humbled by my husbands response. “Maybe you learned the lesson a week early so you could spend the next seven days of the fast implementing the positive attitude.”

Wow!

So that is what I did, I spent the next week eating my fast friendly foods and praying constantly for God to transform my attitude. And He did! I have to say that it was an amazing week, I could actually feel God’s presence as he helped me change the way I thought and how I looked at the rest of my fast. It has even carried over since the fast has ended. Now when I am in a frustrating situation my mind has started looking for the positive.

Truthfully I love this lesson that God gave me because who couldn’t use an extra dose of positive some days!

Photo Credit: Marie Kare