Archives For anxiety

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“You are my strength, I watch for you; you, God, are my fortress,” Psalm 59:9 (NIV) 

This week I have been exhausted. No amount of going to bed early will help and coffee won’t do the trick. Sometimes this is just life with lupus. I have only known about my having this disease since May but the process of finding out what was going on with me began back in January. I started to notice that my fingers would turn bright white and go numb when I was cold. When I am saying white I mean stark white and it would take a solid 10 to 15 minutes before my fingers would turn back to normal. It was really alarming and I wasn’t sure what was wrong so I took a picture of them and posted it to Instagram and then I took that picture and showed it to my family doctor. At that point we began the process that lead me to my diagnosis. So many things that I have struggled with began to make sense as they were signs of my lupus yet I was unaware and by themselves they seemed harmless enough to not got to the doctor. But even then there were things that I had gone to the doctor for and it was missed, like several years back I went to the ER for chest pain and it was said that I had inflamed cartilage causing the pain but in fact it was my lupus. My symptoms were wide-spread at first so they were not being noticed and lupus is a disease that has times where it is active, flare ups, and times of remission so it wasn’t until this May that I learned what was truly going on with me.

No one wants to hear that they have a disease that they will have to deal with for the rest of their life. It stinks! But at the same time I can’t focus on that! I may not know the reason behind all this, but it is the road that has been set before me. During the long months of waiting I had no idea what was going to be determined and I had my moments of worry, but I truly believe that God gave me the strength to not focus on all the “what ifs” that were so easily there. I felt his presence during this entire process. He has a plan for us all, we may not understand that plan and guess what… that’s okay because it’s in His hands.

Every day looks different. There are good days and bad. And sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s okay to have a bad day.

Every flare up looks different.

Today, and this week I have struggled with fatigue, but tomorrow is a new day.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NIV) 

Yesterday at church God really spoke to me. It’s amazing how there might be several different points in a sermon but God makes sure that the one you need to hear is clear to you. I wrote last week about being still, letting God work and for me to stop giving him my suggestions. Well that was more than made clear yesterday at church. Our pastor was talking about as Christians we have access to God’s power all we need to do is ask Him, believe and to stop saying/feeling like things are impossible. Wow did that feel like I was being talked directly to! We are trying so hard to get out of debt, get our finances exactly where we believe God wants them and every time something starts to unfold that we think is what we need to have this happen it all falls a part. I have actually found myself praying saying to God how I feel like it is impossible (and of course I give my suggestions that He doesn’t need).

Last night my husband Chase and I had such a great talk. I shared my heart with him and he did the same and we had both found ourselves struggling with the same feelings. I honestly don’t know why we allow ourselves to feel this way because as God’s children we know that our lives are in His hands and He sees what we can not. This morning my friend sent me a text with a passage she had read that made her think of me and it was exactly what I needed to hear. It talked about how the circumstances you are in are for a reason, we are on His chosen path and that we can’t give up, we just have to remain faithful and attentive to Him and listen for His direction. It was another wow moment all over again. I love those moments when God lies on a friend’s heart a message for you that you really need to hear! It is always at the perfect time.

So today I am making a point to believe, trust and know that the circumstances of today are a part of God’s path for me and that they will come together for a better reason than I could imagine because as long as I stay faithful He will guide my every step!

Photo Credit: Michael Mulvey

Everyday Miracles

January 2, 2012 — Leave a comment

Yesterday at church we had a guest preacher, Dr. John Maxwell who spoke on miracles. He taught about Jesus feeding the five thousand. One of the points that he said that really stuck with me was the partnership we have to make with God for the miracle that we are needing. We tend to miss the miracles that God could do when we don’t partner with him and do our part, taking responsibility for whatever part He is asking of us so that He can perform that miracle. It’s like the boy from the story in Mark 6, he didn’t have to give up his lunch but when he did Jesus fed the five thousand. He did his part to partner with Jesus and then the miracle happened.

I also loved how in the message yesterday he said that anyone who had a problem is a candidate for a miracle. That is so awesome and something I think many of us need to hear. I think that many times we look at whatever problems we might have in our lives and we don’t count that as a need for a miracle because it’s not giant like feeding five thousand people. Any need, big or small makes for an opportunity to come to God and ask for a miracle. What we might consider small or even irrelevant is important to God. These problems that are placed before us, even the small ones, are a great way to remind us that we were never meant to do things on our own!

Photo Credit: Jessica Spengler

Faith: Road Blocks

September 27, 2011 — Leave a comment

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2 (NIV) 

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Psalm 55:22 (NIV) 

This past weekend at church something that my pastor said really stood out. He was talking about when we are trying to do what God has called us to do it often feels like we take two steps forward and three steps back. I know this is true for our family as we are trying to get out of debt. For instance, it was only a few months ago that we had to buy a new air conditioning unit for the house. That was a pretty penny I was not happy about. We felt the calling to be debt free, start making changes and then that happens. Of course that is only one example. I know I am not alone in feeling this way either. We have friends who are experiencing similar situations, God leading them to do something and they continually feel like they are hitting road blocks. It’s a very frustrating situation. But what I have to keep telling myself is that these things are happen because we are listening and being obedient to God, if we were not there would be no reason for objection because we would be doing exactly what Satan would want, not being obedient to God. So no matter the struggles we face, as long as we are on the path that God has called us on we can find comfort. Believe me though, I am right there with everyone else, I  can still find it hard to hold on to that comfort because lets face it, two steps forward and three back is never easy! So with that said my husband and I are still making financial changes and seeking God’s wisdom about how to become debt free and I am going to do my best to find His comfort because I know we are doing what He has called us to do!

 

Photo Credit: Brad Folkens

Today’s post is featuring a guest blogger, one of my family members, Paige. She has her own blog as well where she shares her thoughts and beautiful photos, check it out! She is pregnant with her first child, Mason who will be making his arrival this week… technically tomorrow if inducing goes according to plan. Today she is sharing her thoughts about becoming a mom. Enjoy!

For those about to become a mother:

In about 2 days, I am going to be the proudest mom to an amazing little baby boy. The thoughts and feelings that go through your head when you know your baby is coming soon are interesting to say the least. You feel scared, excited, nervous, anxious, and deliriously happy all at the same time. You start asking yourself questions such as,  “Are going to be a good enough mother,” “Are you really ready for this,” “Is my baby going to be a fussy baby or a happy one?” Eventually you have to start pulling yourself together and realize that everything is going to be okay. You will make mistakes, but will learn from those mistakes and they will only make you stronger and better. God gave us the blessing of children. He knows what is best for us and knows how to make us stronger. I believe children make us into better people and help us grow.  Also remember that children are a blessing and praise God for this amazing gift that he has given you.

“Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.” – Psalm 127:3-4 (NIV)