Archives For deanna layman
There are some weeks where I feel like I am just winning at life! I’m sure my fellow moms out there know what I am talking about. I manage to get all the laundry folded and put away, I’ve cleaned the entire house, cooked and cleaned up the kitchen daily, taken care of any miscellaneous errands/chores along with homeschooling and spending quality time with my boys and husband. When I have weeks like this I seriously do feel like I am on roll, finally in a good groove and being a great mom and wife.
Then there are the weeks where the laundry is piled up. Sometimes it’s that I can’t get to the laundry so it’s waiting to get washed, or (like right now) it’s clean and in a pile on the couch. If I’m really lucky then it’s clean and folded sitting on the piano in the living room waiting to be put away. Clutter is everywhere, toys everywhere, I need to clean, honestly the kitchen is driving me crazy! Am I the only person whose kitchen seems to be the catch-all for everything? It’s like we come in the from garage and that’s as far as everything goes, right to the kitchen counter. Ugh! And the dishes, OH the dishes! Do they ever end? I don’t know what I would do without that dishwasher!?! But I just need to find five minutes in my day to load that said dishwasher.
When I come off of a week like this I feel like I am definitely not winning, let alone even doing a half decent job at being a wife and mom. I mean how can I have one week where everything goes so smoothly and I get everything done on my lists along with plenty of fun things for the kids and I to do, just to have the following week be the exact opposite of that. It’s not even like I did anything differently, yet somehow there wasn’t enough time in the day to do everything. I’m not a mathematician, but I’m pretty sure that I have the exact same amount of hours in every day. It just doesn’t add up to me that one week I’m winning the race and the next week I’m in the back of the race sprinting trying to keep up.
I just finished reading the new Jen Hatmaker book, For the Love. (If you haven’t read it, you should stop what you are doing and order it on Amazon because it is wonderful!) This book was perfect, I felt like she was literally talking right to me. It’s all about grace, and the most important part I took away from it is giving yourself grace. We can NOT do it ALL! I repeat we can not do it all! And guess what… that’s OKAY! What? It’s okay that I can’t do it all and that I might need some help? Yes, we are only human. Some weeks I might have less energy than other weeks due to my lupus, so the laundry might just have to wait until the next day, and guess what… it’s okay! Also, it’s okay to say no and put your time and energy where its most important. Do the dishes later that night and go play a game with your kids or read a book together. Give yourself permission to embrace this time and not get bogged down by the chores and chaos of the day. Ask for help when you are having a day or week where you feel overwhelmed. I don’t know why I can have such an easy and productive week when the next week makes me feel like a failure. The only explanation I have is that we are human, not super heroes and some times that’s just the way life goes. Give yourself some grace because your kids and your husband love you, they aren’t worried about the dishes in the sink. It’s all about grace, give yourself some. It’s okay!
I’m not sure why, but after you become a parent it opens the doors to complete strangers asking the most personal of questions. Before having kids when I would see someone with a baby the most I would comment was saying “Oh, how precious. How old?” I feel like that is a perfectly fine statement and question to ask. But, then there are the questions and/or statements that are much more personal and sometimes rude or inappropriate. The most frequent statement I get is this, “Ahh, two boys. Are you going to keep going for a girl?” And there it was. The assumption that our family is not complete without a boy AND a girl. Here’s the thing, we do want more children, and if we are blessed to have a little girl then that is amazing and we will be so thankful. However, if we have four children and they are all boys we will be just as thankful and feel equally blessed to be raising up men of God. Why is it a societal norm to have a certain number of kids and expecting that you must have a certain ratio of genders?
I can tell you that I absolutely ADORE being a mom of boys. There is something about the sweetness of a mommy and son relationship. My eldest is so kind, tender hearted, he loves helping me and he’s very intuitive. With my Lupus he can tell when I’m not feeling well, sometimes he will ask “are you okay mom?” when he notices that I’m not my usual self. When I tell him I’m not feeling well the first thing he does is pray for mommy to feel better. Seriously, could my heart melt anymore? My youngest is almost a year old and he is the biggest momma’s boy, and I wouldn’t change it for anything! He’s super cuddly and also stubborn, he will be our bruiser who attempts any and all things. I’m also about 100% sure that he will be the child who I miss his first steps because he will intentionally do it when my back is turned, he’s such an adorable little stinker!
Parenting is no small feat. But parenting boys has challenges that are far different from parenting girls. Here’s the thing, boys are crazy, messy, loud, high energy, into everything, curious, and sometimes stinky (oh the teen years, please someone send me all the scented candles! Ha!). BUT, they are also lego building, super hero fighting, car and sports loving, goofy, funny, creative, loving, kind hearted, and sweetest little blessings ever! I look at the opportunity to raise my two boys up to be honorable, generous, compassionate, unique, creative and men of God as the biggest journey and most important task given to me! For all the families that have a daughter, I want to raise my boys up to be the men of chivalry that will love, respect and honor the women in their lives.
So the answer to the question that strangers ask me is simply this: Yes, I want more children. Do I want a girl? The biggest thing is that I don’t ever want my boys to feel like we were disappointed or wanted something else. Because I couldn’t imagine life without the two amazing blessings we already have in our boys! I want whatever blessings God will give us! Our family is complete and whole because ever child is a perfect gift from God!
May 15th is Lupus Awareness Day, a day to celebrate life and take a stand against the wolf. Lupus is one of the cruelest, most mysterious diseases on earth—an unpredictable and misunderstood autoimmune disease that ravages different parts of the body. Research shows lupus is more pervasive and more severe than people think, and has an impact that the public doesn’t realize.
The Lupus Foundation of America started a fun way to show your support and raise awareness by putting on purple and sharing your lupus story. Their tumblr shows everyone from Panera Bread employees to Roscoe the dog to a Teletubby wearing purple in support of those living with lupus. It’s a way to make a serious disease less daunting and encourage people to speak out about the invisible disease. Here are a couple fun ways to wear purple with a purpose:
- Make it a family affair by dressing the kids in purple and having a photo shoot.
- Find a person on the street that is also wearing purple. Ask them if they’re doing it for Lupus Awareness and then snap a picture with them.
- Slip into your favorite purple outfit and set the stage for a selfie shoot.
- Treat yourself to a lavender mani/pedi.
- If you’re feeling brave, let the kids paint your face purple…and then their own.
If you don’t have anything purple to wear, you might be able to find something on Goodshop.com. They have donated thousands of dollars to lupus research because people like you have shopped through their website at stores like, Neiman Marcus, Kohl’s, and Lands’ Endt. Signup and select one of their 24 lupus research foundations, like The Lupus Foundation of America or The Alliance for Lupus Research and they’ll donate up to 20% of any purchase you make online to help find a cure for lupus.
Thank you to guest blogger Valerie Greene for writing this post! Valerie Greene is passionate about spreading awareness about Lupus because it is a cause close to her heart. She has devoted her life to fundraising for nonprofits to help make an impact on the world. Purple is also her favorite color.
Have you noticed the trend for this coming summer fashion? Crop tops… everywhere! I went into one of my favorite stores the other day and literally every shirt in their store was cropped. I was so frustrated. Not everyone wants to bare their belly for the world to see. (Yes I have worn a crop top with a cute long tank top underneath. But I usually find it annoying while wearing it and I definitely do not want my wardrobe made up of shirts I can’t wear by themselves. One or two max is sufficient for me.)
What’s with this trend? I thought that the first couple times we said goodbye to the crop top that we all were like “oh good, it’s about time that style left!” yet it keeps reappearing. Fashion designers, seriously, what’s the deal? And to the buyers of each company in charge of setting the trends for us shoppers, how about one longer shirt in your store, any takers? No, well thanks for making me less than thrilled about your season of clothes. I’ll see you again in the fall.
I’m not trying to put anyone down who chooses to wear a crop top. That is your choice, however for me, a wife and mother I personally do not want to wear this shirt style and here is why:
- You are paying the same price as a full shirt only to cover half your torso. That is just ridiculous! For $30 I would like my entire torso clothed please!
- As a mom I want to teach my kids that modesty is beautiful, and that modesty doesn’t mean boring or fashion-less.
- I’m not a fan of wearing something that has the potential for a muffin top. I’m good, thanks!
- Too short a shirt and the ever popular mid to low-rise jeans are not a good combination. We have all seen the unfortunate instance when someone has sat down and there is not enough shirt to hide their hiney. I will gladly be avoiding this problem by not wearing those silly crop tops.
- I’m tall. So when I put on a crop top, it simply looks like I don’t know how to wash clothes properly and I just shrunk my shirt.
- On the other hand it can also look like I went shopping in the junior’s section.
- I know my husband and his preference of style. He loves when I get all dolled up or even when I am comfy with a pony tail. But either way, I want him as comfortable with the way that I dress as I am comfortable. Respecting him is just another way for me to show my love for him.
- Where are the eyes drawn to? If I’m wearing a top where my belly is out, then that is where the eyes are drawn and that is just something I am not interested in. I would rather people be drawn to my eyes.
- Frankly put, these shirts are meant to be sexy. Who are you trying to be sexy for anyway? I’m personally not comfortable with wearing something so specifically intended for sexy and walking around town. Modesty can be sexy. Just saying.
- It’s simply not a shirt, I mean it is only half of one.