To all the Moms, Happy Mother’s Day!
To all the Moms, Happy Mother’s Day!
“You are my strength, I watch for you; you, God, are my fortress,” Psalm 59:9 (NIV)
This week I have been exhausted. No amount of going to bed early will help and coffee won’t do the trick. Sometimes this is just life with lupus. I have only known about my having this disease since May but the process of finding out what was going on with me began back in January. I started to notice that my fingers would turn bright white and go numb when I was cold. When I am saying white I mean stark white and it would take a solid 10 to 15 minutes before my fingers would turn back to normal. It was really alarming and I wasn’t sure what was wrong so I took a picture of them and posted it to Instagram and then I took that picture and showed it to my family doctor. At that point we began the process that lead me to my diagnosis. So many things that I have struggled with began to make sense as they were signs of my lupus yet I was unaware and by themselves they seemed harmless enough to not got to the doctor. But even then there were things that I had gone to the doctor for and it was missed, like several years back I went to the ER for chest pain and it was said that I had inflamed cartilage causing the pain but in fact it was my lupus. My symptoms were wide-spread at first so they were not being noticed and lupus is a disease that has times where it is active, flare ups, and times of remission so it wasn’t until this May that I learned what was truly going on with me.
No one wants to hear that they have a disease that they will have to deal with for the rest of their life. It stinks! But at the same time I can’t focus on that! I may not know the reason behind all this, but it is the road that has been set before me. During the long months of waiting I had no idea what was going to be determined and I had my moments of worry, but I truly believe that God gave me the strength to not focus on all the “what ifs” that were so easily there. I felt his presence during this entire process. He has a plan for us all, we may not understand that plan and guess what… that’s okay because it’s in His hands.
Every day looks different. There are good days and bad. And sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s okay to have a bad day.
Every flare up looks different.
Today, and this week I have struggled with fatigue, but tomorrow is a new day.
Everyday it seems like Eli is learning something new. Just yesterday he was imitating me as I pretended to knock on the door he did the same thing. Today he had a toy on the other side of the room and he would walk back and forth from the toy and the couch, he would pretend to pick up some food and then he would come over and pretend to feed me that food. When I responded with a “mmmmm!” He got a big smile on his face and I could see the excitement he had by my reaction. Every time that he does something good he hears me saying “good boy” and just this week he has started saying that as well. Seriously moms where does the time go? I mean before I know it my baby will be off to school! Which by the way I am so not ready for!
I think time seems to go by much faster as we are older, probably because we value it more as we see how much of a gift the lives God has given us truly are. I am just grateful that one of the many gifts that God has given me is my beautiful son who makes me laugh and smile and brings me joy everyday! What gift are you thankful for?
Every parent knows when I say that the life of a toddler is busy. Once my son started walking he is constantly on the go exploring everything. I love it, but I won’t lie it is also exhausting and every mom will agree. As soon as his eyes open in the morning he is ready to start the fun-filled day, in fact there are many mornings when I go into his room and he has already begun his daily adventures by throwing his socks or his Grover out of the crib. There are even some mornings when I go in there and he starts to play peek-a-boo right away or the other times when I walk in and the first thing I hear is “more” (which for him that means he is ready for breakfast). The life of a toddler is never boring and that also means that the mommy of that toddler also has a life that is never boring. Every day is filled with new adventures and new and wonderful memories!
So with that said, today on my thankful Thursday I am thankful for those cuddle bug moments! Eli is so busy playing and having adventures that when he comes over to me and crawls up in my lap for hugs I will take every minute of that cuddle bug moment and soak it up. I love that time when he is curled up in my lap sucking his thumb and just holding me, it melts my heart and makes me thankful that little boys love their mommies! What are you thankful for this Thursday?